Married but Looking - Dating for Someone Who is Married

When your marriage just doesn't seem to carry the intimate flame that it used to and you find yourself longing to date someone new what can you do? Well the righteous answer is to either work on your marriage or end it but if you're not too caught up on the morality of the issue and you don't want to break your partner's heart then it's time to get shifty and start dating other people. There are many ways for married men and women to seek out new partners; here are some things to consider.

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I can't stress enough the importance of keeping your spouse completely out of the loop. Infidelity occurs in an enormous number of marriages (24% of men and 14% of women confessed to having extra marital affairs according to a University of California study reported by USA Today in 1998; and that's just a collection of those who admitted it)  but is only actually discovered in a fraction of those marriages (with another study finding up to 70% of women and 54% of men not knowing about their spouse's infidelity). Most times when people are caught red-handed it's because they didn't cover their tracks well, as opposed to karma biting them or their partners being especially keen observers.  

Some of things might seem like common sense but it's not uncommon that people get somewhat complacent and comfortable with their extramarital affairs (“I haven't been caught so far so I probably won't be”), start taking small risks, and then get found out. Bragging about it to friends, even if you consider them very trustworthy friends, is not a good idea and can lead to you being snitched on. All friendships have an ebb and flow and there's really never any guarantee that anyone won't try to spite you if they feel you've wronged them (even slightly), so just don't tell your friends. Try to make your lover someone who your spouse has never known (this should really entail going a bit out of your living vicinity to find a new partner). Don't take your interest out to places where you might run into anyone you or your spouse might know. Be very careful not to leave any cell phone trail of your conversations with your lover. While most spouses aren't masters of espionage or crime scene detectives, cell phone snooping is one of those “skills” that seems to be in everyone's repertoire (probably because it's so easy). Just delete any texts and voicemails as soon as you receive them, and memorize your lover's phone number so it isn't recorded in your contacts. Also delete the number itself from the recent calls section of your phone after each conversation.  As long as you do all of these things and your spouse doesn't have access to your phone records then you are entirely in the clear.

As a married man looking to date other women, you need to show off your money. While some women might be moderately turned on by the idea of a married man courtesy of the wrongness of the act, the mutual benefits of such a relationship need to be all there to balance out the risks and annoyances; if you're not driving her around in a nice car and buying her clothes then couldn't she be doing the same thing with a man who could actually spend as much time with her as she wanted and didn't have to hide her from his life? Present yourself as wealthy (fake it if necessary); it's a major selling point for married men. The same is true for married women looking to date other men to a degree but for married men it's a must.

The internet is king if you want to be a naughty husband or wife because of the anonymity. No one on a dating site has to know about your marriage, and most people who are willing to date through the internet are somewhat trusting to begin with and won't be too suspicious about your situation so long as you give them no reason to be. There are plenty of free dating websites available (just use Google to search for one that intrigues you) as well as the social networking site Myspace which can essentially work as a dating site if you use it as such (just send messages expressing interest). On your profile, make a point of letting people know that you're single and looking, and that you're well off as far as money goes. The only thing that really matters to most people on these sites though is your pictures. Get pictures that make you look more attractive than you really are (I know it sounds harsh but it's almost expected of many people on social networks). This may entail digging up pictures from when you were a little younger or you may have to take some new pictures of yourself now. Get a digital camera or cell phone, and simply take shot after shot of your face and body from different angles at different distances with different lighting. It will be annoying and take some trial and error, but it doesn't take a legitimate photographer to take good vanity shots of one's self. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror (or some other full length mirror) is generally the easiest way to do this.

From an ethical standpoint, you should never cheat on your spouse and there's really no way to argue otherwise. But then again, ethically speaking, you should donate a portion of your weekly income to those less fortunate and you shouldn't lie when your wife asks “Do these make me look fat?”, so to a certain degree things like this break down to perspective and situation. If you find it reasonable to maintain your marriage while seeking other sexual encounters then so be it. It's hard to deny that the risk and devious nature of such ventures can make for exciting conquests.