Infidelity in marriage is one of the most devastating experiences a person can go through. The whole thing becomes even more unbearable when you have suspicions about your husband’s faithfulness but find it difficult to pin-point anything. So if you think your husband is having an affair, here is how you can go about it.$INFIDELITY-OPTIN2$
Gather the facts
A woman’s instincts are seldom wrong when they tell her that all is not well with the marriage. However in order to get your husband to admit to an affair, you need to be armed with something much more substantial than a woman’s “feelings”. Go back to all your husband’s actions in the past few weeks which raised your suspicions in the first place and then gather the hard evidence. These could include credit card receipts, phone calls at unusual hours, long hours on the internet, strange numbers on the cell phone bill and the like. If you proceed to confront your husband on the basis of your emotions of hurt and betrayal, he is likely to laugh it off as yet another example of your paranoid behavior. But once he sees that you have come prepared with all the facts, he is more likely to come clean.
TIP: Read the guide to prevent a break up or get back with your ex.
What kind of affair
An affair need not only be about sex. Conventional wisdom has it that a spouse isn’t really having an affair until there is a physical involvement. But even too deep an emotional bond between a husband and another woman can greatly alter the state of a marriage and leave the wife feeling like an outsider. So how do you know when your husband is just sharing a meaningful friendship with another woman and when it has gone further than that? The most important sign that your husband is involved in an emotional affair is when he begins to draw away from you and look forward to spending more time with the other woman. She may be a co-worker, a friend from childhood or someone he has come across on the internet. If he was quite happy talking about her before, now he will stop mentioning her before you. The physical intimacy between you two may also lessen but most significantly he will be less eager to express his feelings about you and your marriage.
Consider all aspects of private investigation
While gathering the evidence of your husband’s infidelity, you may be tempted to go overboard and hire a private investigator to get hold of unassailable evidence of your partner ‘in the act’. However consider what you would like to do with such evidence once you are presented with it. If you have already made up your mind to leave your husband, hand over the evidence promptly to your attorney. On the other hand if you want to give your marriage another chance, hold onto the evidence and wait for the right moment to come out with it. Also consider if you would be able to deal with emotional consequences of your husband’s infidelity once you see the proof up front and in color. Moreover private investigation can be expensive and you may want to give it another thought if seeking a divorce is not an option.
Act on your knowledge
Sometimes despite an affair staring at the face, a wife is unable to do anything about it. Fear about the future and the prospect of divorce are among the things that often makes women sit on all the information they may have painstaking gathered. Once the facts are in your hand, realize that it is time to act. This could go two ways; if all the proof of your husband’s cheating is so strong that it cannot be ignored, there is no other option but to ask him about it. However be careful to hold on to your temper through all this since nothing will make him deny an affair as promptly as an angry accusation; rather ask your husband calmly if he is having an affair. Don’t question his behavior however but question the facts. If there are a pile of credit card receipts for dinners you have never eaten, ask him about it. Or point out to an unfamiliar cell phone number and ask why there were so many calls from it at all odd hours. Specific questions about facts are more likely to elicit an honest answer from your husband rather than pointing finger at his integrity.
On the other hand if the evidence does not point to your husband having an affair, consider what drove the thought into your mind. It is sure to be a consequence of some deep unease that you are having about your marriage; if so, focus on the areas that need work and get down to doing something about it. For instance if you believe that you have been too busy with the kids lately and have not been able to spend time with him, plan to devote more time to your partner and marriage. Or if your suspicions were the result of the appearance of an attractive woman in your husband’s professional or social life, see what you can do to enhance your own personality and feel more self-assured. In every way, show him what a delightful life the two of you have created and draw him gently into your family circle.
If however your findings have left the matter inconclusive, communication is once again the key to resolving things. You will both need to work on your sources of anxiety as well as elicit the truth from your husband. Asking him directly has the advantage of putting an end to nagging doubt but it may result in your husband being hurt at your lack of trust in him if he is truly innocent. However if you take responsibility for your own suspicions and explain why you felt the way you did, chances are you both can work things out to your mutual satisfaction. On the other hand if all this seems too much for you to handle on your own, by all means see a counselor who will not only clarify the issues at play but also guide you on how best to resolve them.
Finally, decide how important is this marriage to you. If you are certain that your husband is having an affair, you need to take stock of your marriage. Is this relationship important enough to you to want to save it? If you feel that you are getting nothing out of your marriage and it is just a façade, then you might consider about quitting. However if you love your husband and believe that issues between you and him can be worked out, then take prompt steps to put a stop to his emotional affair.