One of the trickiest situations faced by a couple is when one of them is not accepted by the other’s best friend. If not resolved quickly, the issue can soon become messy with misunderstandings and heartache all around. So if you feel that your boyfriend’s best friend does not like you, here is how to break the ice and deal with the situation.
Try to understand that your boyfriend and his best mate used to spend all their free time together before you came along. So it is natural that his friend should feel a little jealous of his attentions being transferred to you, especially if the friend does not have a girlfriend of his own. So let your boyfriend hang out with his pal now and then and this will reassure the friend that you are not a threat to their friendship. Suggest to your boyfriend that he have a guy’s night out or better still, plan a poker night and invite his best friend over together with other guys.
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Don’t shut yourself out
No matter how much your boyfriend loves spending time with you, he will still hanker for his best mate’s company in matters of shared interests. At such times it is best to let him be with his friend. In fact this is also a good opportunity for you to try and break the ice with your partner’s friend. For instance if your partner likes watching football with his pal, make them comfortable and then join in. Instead of saying that you will be out shopping or visiting a friend, research the teams and rules of the game and try to pitch into the conversation. Your boyfriend’s friend may not open up immediately but continue to be casual and show a genuine interest in what is happening. The friend may realize that you are not here to wreck their party and this may change his attitude towards you.
If you find your boyfriend and his best pal always joking around, don’t get upset. Try to see it as their way of de-stressing and bonding with each other. In fact the next time you are with them, display some of your own wit. Tease them lightly and the friend will see that you have a sense of humor too and that you are not the stuck up girl he assumed you to be. Always maintain a cheerful and sunny expression and both your boyfriend and his friend will find you a fun person to hang around with.
Do something specific
If you feel that your partner’s best friend is still suspicious of you, why not do something nice for him that will change his mind. If the friend has a birthday coming up, see if you can plan a surprise party for him with your boyfriend. You will not only earn brownie points for being thoughtful but the party may turn out to a blast with everyone having a good time.
Don’t be too romantic with your boyfriend in front of his best mate. He will get uncomfortable and wish that you weren’t around. If he is already suspicious of you, this may convince him further that you are trying to get him to leave. Remember that you wouldn’t like your best friend falling all over her partner in front of you. So don’t do it your partner and his friend. Simple as that.
Find him a date
If you feel that your partner’s friend dislikes you for taking away his best pal, maybe it is because he is rather lonely himself. Without being very obvious, suggest to the friend that you find a nice date for him. If he demurs or jokes about it, ask him further as to where his interest in girls lie. Maybe if your partner’s friend found himself in a fulfilling relationship he would not be so possessive about your boyfriend. However be careful to read the friend’s response. If he genuinely seems upset by the idea, let it be and avoid bringing it up in future.
Avoid carrying tales
If your boyfriend’s pal openly dislikes you, it is probably plain to your partner as well. No matter how strong the temptation, don’t complain of this to your boyfriend or carry other negative things you may have heard about his friend. Your boyfriend is most likely already upset at his best pal’s behavior and don’t make him any more miserable by voicing your complaints. If your boyfriend is sensitive to your discomfort, he will try to sort out the situation on his own.
Maintain your dignity
Despite your best attempts to break the ice with your boyfriend’s pal, if you find that he is still openly antagonistic towards you, draw away calmly. Don’t rail and rant at him or your boyfriend. Let the two of them be together when they wish and maintain your dignity in all situations.
Have a chat
If you find that your partner’s friend has been carrying negative tales about you, bring the matter up with your boyfriend. Choose a moment when you boyfriend is relaxed and then ask the reason why his friend should think you are a bad person or a bad choice for a girlfriend. If the rumors have something to do with your past relationships or cheating on your boyfriend, be sure to clarify each point.
Don’t try to break the friendship
Above all, never try to turn your boyfriend against his best friend. This will not only keep the issue form being resolved but may in fact urge him to defend his pal on mistaken notions of loyalty and male camaraderie. If his friend’s behavior has become unbearably rude to you, bring up the matter and leave it your boyfriend to take whatever step he deems best.
It is a rare relationship where everything falls in place. So, you may find that despite you and your partner being made for each other, you have not been able to click with his best pal. Be the one to offer the olive branch and if nothing makes a difference, try to get along as best as you can.