Every relationship goes through its own cycle of intimacy and withdrawal. This is perhaps due to the very nature of the need that two people have for each other, which leads them into a relationship in the first place. Thus while the two halves seek each other out to be a whole, they are, at the same time, individuals in their own right, with individual interests and a need for personal space.
However, if you find that lately your man has been spending way too much time with his pals or co-workers, and not been noticing you at all, don’t despair. Here are a few ways which are sure to make your significant other pay attention to you.
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Firstly, stop demanding attention
Nothing makes a guy run away faster, than a girl who creates a scene, demanding to know why he has not been paying attention to her lately. Don’t beg or quarrel with your partner or he will think you are just being dramatic. There may be several reasons for your man’s waning interest, and some of them may even have nothing to do with you. Stress at work, ill-health or anxiety over his family often depress a man’s romantic urge. So start by finding out where the source of his loss of interest lies and then you can take it from there.
Don’t be jealous
If your man’s attention to you is on the wane, the first thing you might suspect is his seeing someone else. Being jealous, is however a sign of low-self esteem and that is just not cute. So, stop obsessing over what he has been doing and who he has been meeting, since you will only be exhausting yourself and driving your man further away.
Focus on yourself
The surest way to get your man pay attention to you, is to get back your own attention on yourself. Keep yourself busy in work and play. Take up a new hobby, or join a sports team of your own choice. Expand your own circle of friends and colleagues, so that when he hangs out with his pals, you can enjoy yourself with yours. Initially, your man will be relieved to get his own space, and then intrigued enough to find out what or who has been keeping you so busy without him.
Take care of yourself
Nothing should stop you from following a healthy lifestyle. Continue to have a nutritious diet and go for regular work outs. Care about your looks, but don’t obsess over it just because your man does not happen to be noticing you much. And above all don’t fall into the the lure of diet fads. These might lead to eating disorders like bulimia and anorexia, and no man is worth sacrificing your health for. Remember that if the only reason your partner is interested in you is for your looks, then he probably wants your body more than your heart.
See if you can be one of the gang
Try to be friends with your partner’s pals. This does not mean that you have to start guzzling beer or go ecstatic over a game of darts. Just be cheerful and positive. Your partner’s friends too will like to hang around with you, while your man will enjoy having your company as well as his pals’.
Take the initiative
Get out of the habit of always leaving your man to plan your dates. Do some creative thinking, and see if you can come up with some interesting date ideas. For instance, you could hire a chauffeur-driven limo, take your partner out for a movie or theatre, and round off the evening with dinner at a place of his choice. This will not only get his attention, but perhaps make him glad enough to want to reciprocate the next time.
Ask yourself why
If you feel that your man has been avoiding you of late, consider the reasons why he may be doing so. If there is no third person involved, may be something in your behaviour is driving him away. Are you always nagging him to do something he doesn’t like, or have you been asking him to change some aspect of his personality? Remember, you fell in love with the person he is, and it is unfair to want to change him now. If you want just a little behaviour modification, consider motivating him by being a role model yourself.
Let him have his personal space
While love brings two people together, the need for some personal space remains. No matter how intimate a relationship, partners need to spend some time away from each other, in order to revive their own selves. When one of the partners begins to get too overwhelming, the other may feel the need to draw back. So don’t grudge your man his need for some breathing space. Let him have a night out with his friends or spend an afternoon at his golf club. You may find him returning refreshed and ready to spend some quality time with you.
If necessary, opt out
Despite your best efforts, if you find your man continuing to display a lack of interest in you, maybe it is time to re-evaluate your commitment to a relationship that does not make you happy. Not paying attention to you over a period of time, may be his way of saying that he is just not interested in carrying this any further. If this is the case, it is best for you to move on and find someone who really values you for who you are.
When couples settle down in a relationship, they often begin to take each other for granted. No longer the stolen kisses, spontaneous hugs and lingering eye contact, which marked the first flush of their romance! And yet, it is important that couples keep paying each other these small compliments, and other ways of showing attention, so that they both know how lucky they are to have each other. Like a flowering plant, a relationship too has to be worked at, if it is to grow and bloom into beauty.