One of the most common problems that couples in a long relationship face, is running out of things to say to each other. You may have booked the baby-sitter, dolled yourself up and manage to get a table at the swanky restaurant, but when you sit down, you find yourselves either painfully quiet or coming up with stale questions to each other. However relationship experts believe that communication quandary is all too common and need not lead to a breakup. Here are few things to do when you are in a relationship and find that there is nothing to talk about.
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Over time couples in a long relationship tend to fall back to individual activities and give personal priorities greater importance; this may not be out of anger or willful neglect of a partner but just the outcome of a natural desire to put the self first. So shake yourself out of this complacent mode and make an effort into knowing what your partner is doing, thinking or planning these days. He/she may be considering taking up a course or visiting out-of-town relatives - plans that you would know nothing about unless you ask. Don’t worry if your partner gives only monosyllabic replies initially – it might take a while for him/her to get the conversation going; but once you make your interest in them evident, it is very likely that they will reciprocate by wanting to know more about what is going on with you.
The beginning of a relationship is not only marked by intense sexual attraction but also a delicious eagerness when you want to know more about each other. However over time this curiosity about a mate gradually burns low so that while you constantly jabbered with each other in the early days, now you and your partner have practically nothing to say to each other. One of The best ways to remedy such a situation is to talk about hobbies and activities that you both enjoy. Think about all the things that brought you together in the first place – it could have been a fascination for Latin dancing or a love of early morning mountain biking. Find ways you can rediscover your enthusiasm for mutual interests. Get tickets to a game if you had met at a stadium or discuss a new restaurant in town if you both are foodies. Once you start participating in common hobbies you will find that you have a lot to talk about without making your relationship the only topic of discussion.
Learn something together
This is another variation of the above point. If you find that you and your partner no longer share an interesting hobby, you could explore the possibility of learning something new together. Decide on the particular kind of activity that interests you both like music, sports or culture and then maybe you could sign up for a hobby class or a club catering to that particular interest. Doing something new with each other will inevitably open up a vast range of topics for discussion and you might find the channels of communication once again fully functional between you and your partner. Apart from the thrill of learning something new, you will also be able to explore hitherto-unknown aspects of your partner and thus renew your interest in each other. However the real challenge here maybe to convince your partner to join a new class with you. So make sure it is something that you both are interested in.
Look anew at your partner
Among the things that couples begin to take for granted over time is physical appearance. Just like you tend to put in a little less effort to look good even when your partner is around, likewise you begin to notice him/her a little less. Make an effort to overcome this inertia and try to look at your partner anew. Notice her hairstyle and compliment her on it; you could even follow it up with a question about whether she went to her regular stylist or got it done at a new salon. Likewise observe what your man is wearing and appreciate the mixing of colors or some aspect of his appearance. Talking about such specific things will throw open related topics like fashion trends, colors of the season and then maybe a tentative suggestion of a walk in the neighborhood park. It may not always be necessary to come up with a compliment – indeed fake or insecure praise may seem unnatural and forced and do more harm than good. The whole point is to let your partner know that he/she is not invisible to you and that they are still worthy of your notice. This will help your partner to warm up to you and consequently encourage them to share their thoughts with you.
Examine your attitudes
If you find a serious communication gap with your partner, make an honest analysis of the way you speak and behave with him/her. Perhaps you are overly critical of your partner’s habits or expect him/her to conform to too high a standard. Such unnatural expectations on your part may be stressing out your partner as a result of which he/she does not enjoy sharing things with you. Also ask yourself whether some kind of insecurity or inadequacy is bothering you which is why another person finds it difficult to engage in a healthy conversation with you; for instance, maybe you are always obsessing about your job or kids or weight when you are with your partner. Keep in mind that negative vibes, however unintentional, may have caused your partner to gradually pull away emotionally and eventually fall silent. If this is the case, you will need to overcome your inner impulses which are creating a field of repulsion. If you cannot resolve the issues on your own, discuss matters with a trusted friend or a counselor. Only when you are healthy and positive in your own self, will others be drawn to your company.
Avoid the red flags
On occasions when you find your partner making an effort to connect to you, try not to bring up stressful issues like money, relatives or former partners. Rather focus on what is comfortable and interesting. If you perpetually bring up what trouble the kids got in school and how the mortgage is overdue, then your partner will find it preferable to keep quiet rather than engage in stressful discussions. This is not to say that real-life issues should be swept under the carpet. Instead set aside a specific time and place for such issues if they need to be resolved. But when you are together, look forward to positive, hopeful things which are bound to make you both smile.