Dating often brings a boy and a girl closer, closer not in terms of physical proximity but in terms of emotional proximity. Such an intimacy can be achieved if you and your date share certain values, move in the same general direction in life and have certain personal qualities you feel are important for your future spouse to possess. There have been several instances where couples have been set up by a friend or a well-wisher with a hope that someday, the girl can meet the man who can become her husband. But that does not mean that you should accept a date with every nice guy you meet or have been introduced to. Susan, like many other naïve girls was eager to find the ‘perfect’ man.
She started dating Val, whom she had met through a common friend. Like many people, she believed that dating should be spontaneous and doesn’t shouldn't involve any ‘pre-screening’ or a background research on the guy. After a few dates with Val, she realized that there was something queer about him. He was no long the cute guy whom she had first met. No doubt his physical attributes scored over his emotional well-being in the initial stages of dating. But after developing a deep affection towards Val, she was able to discover the ‘other side’ of him. Val was an emotionally unstable person who had an intense fear of commitment, coupled with fits of rage. How do you find out that your prospective date is an emotionally unstable person? The following methods may help you in coming to a conclusion.
Before you set out to find a date, do some soul searching. Identify your personal strengths and goals, expectations for the future and the traits you would like to see in the person you date.
Screen people who have been suggested to you. A preliminary search about them may help you in discovering their shortcomings.
Try to talk to people who know your potential dating partner. His best friends, parents, neighbours, a colleague or a roommate, will able to provide ample information about your date. Talk to at least one or two people whom he has been closely associated with.
Try to find out what kind of an upbringing and family life he has had. He may have been a drug addict or an alcoholic. Though he may have given up these vices, there maybe some emotional turmoil left in him that may hamper his rational thinking or behaviour.
If the person has a history of misrepresenting himself, is prone to lying and has a tendency to resort to acts of violence, it is better to stay away from such a person than nurture an idea of dating him.
Coming back to Susan and Val’s case, things took a different turn when Susan took it upon herself to find out the cause of Val’s emotional instability. Rather than
outrightly rejecting him, she was determined to find out the reasons behind his emotional instability and help him overcome this problem. Val had a history of emotional difficulties but otherwise seemed to have potential. The cause of his rage, as Susan found out from his relatives, dated back to the tragic death of a sibling. His commitment problem was associated with a long-drawn divorce battle between his parents.
Emotionally unstable people cannot be totally eliminated as non-dateable. There are a a few individuals who have successfully managed their condition through therapy or medication. Many emotionally unstable people, who have overcome their inability, make wonderful spouses or dating partners.
If your dating partner is emotionally unstable or not focused, take the initiative to find out the cause of his erratic behavior. While we would never encourage you to date an emotionally unstable person, simply rejecting someone outrightly because he may have a slight emotional difficulty, may result in your passing up the person who is truly right for you.