How to Play Hard to Get in a Relationship


One way of looking at dating is as a game and the men and women involved as players. While it may, at times, seem unnecessary or even unnatural to keep the girl or guy you like waiting, the mystery and challenge of it all is what makes the game so exciting. Here are a few tips on how to play hard to get and still get your partner to fall for you.

Have a successful single life.

Once you are busy enjoying life on your own, playing hard to get will come naturally. Apart from having a job, also get involved in hobbies or charities which interest you. Spend some time on yourself – working out, taking care of your skin or hair or just reconnecting with yourself through music, meditation and the like. If you have kids, plan outings with them. Not only they will be glad to have a parent who is around more often but you will get to enjoy them before they grow up and leave. It is often the fear of being single rather than genuine interest in another person that leads one to accept a date with someone boring or incompatible. A busy life will leave you little time to worry about how to get a man or woman and thus prevent you from being easily available. In fact a person who has a lot going on in his/her life is far more appealing to a potential date than one who is bored. And when you come to think of it, the date is often looking for a vicarious way to experience your interesting life, hoping the thrill of it will rub on him/her.

Let things be.

Don’t force the pace of events in your personal life. Let a relationship develop according to the interests of the other person and not always your own. Admittedly you would want to get to know this guy or girl better but let him/her take the initiative in taking things between you two a bit further. For instance if you have had a successful first date, wait for your partner to call you up again instead of ringing or mailing him/her the very next day. Take your time and savor every stage in the development of romantic interest rather rushing things through.

Don’t appear desperate.

Being or even appearing desperate to have a guy or girl in your life can ruin the most promising of all relationships. So what if your ex is in town and you want him/her to know that you have moved on. Coming off as too needy and clingy to your present date will only scare the person away and do precious little for your own self-esteem. Rather cultivate a calm and self-possessed exterior so that your date knows you are not dying to be taken out for a second time. And even if Friday has come and gone without any message or mail from your date, resist the urge to pick up the phone and ring him/her up.

Be slightly difficult to get in touch with.

The secret to playing hard to get is not so much to come across as stand-offish but be difficult to access in the first place. This essentially means not picking up the phone every time your date rings. Let them get the answering machine at times, even when you are home. Then wait for a day or two before calling back. A thumb rule is to wait twice as long as they do before ringing back. Again if you receive a text message from this person, consider yourself entitled to wait for some time before texting back. If the call is urgent, for instance your date wants to meet the same evening, you may take the call but not necessarily agree to meet him/her. Let them know that your time is precious and if they want to go out with you, they need to plan it accordingly.

Be vague

Be as vague as you can without appearing rude. Nowhere is it written that you have to answer all your date’s queries with complete facts. So be a little vague with your replies and you will not only be building up the mystery but leave your date wanting to know more about you. For instance when he asks, “What were you doing last weekend?” answer that you had been out with some people you know. Again if your partner wants to find out what you are doing this Friday night, tell her with a smile “Haven’t decided anything as yet”. Letting on just as much as you believe is necessary is in fact a good thing to do even during the course of a confirmed relationship. It lets you maintain boundaries in a relationship while making your partner aware that he/she can pry only up to a point and no further.

Don’t commit yourself every time

If your date asks you out, don’t agree right away. Rather say that you’re not sure and you would need to check your schedule to see if you are free, so can they please call you later. And occasionally say no to a date by telling them that you have other plans. Even when you like this person and want to go out with them, don’t just drop everything as soon as you get a call. Suggest another time when you are supposedly free like the next day or the coming weekend. Making others wait for an answer will not only make you come across a delicious challenge but more importantly prevent you from being taken for granted in a committed relationship as well.

Strike a balance

Finally maintain a balance between playing hard to get and being too hard to get. You want to be seen as a person of mystery and irresistible attractions, not a cold-hearted brute or an unbearable snob. And if it is a person you really like, playing hard to get with him/her for too long may send a signal that you are uninterested. So even when you are refusing a date, do it sweetly and when, in person, with a smile.