Those were the days, when your husband had eyes only for you. It made you feel very special and truly loved. But now you find that he makes no bones about the fact that he’s checking out other women. And if there’s one thing a woman finds most annoying, it is that her man feels compelled to survey the scenery in the room, and we’re obviously not talking about décor here.
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Take the case of Sue, a reasonably attractive brunette in her mid-thirties. She gets extremely irritated when she and her husband Stan are in the mall or having dinner at a restaurant and she realizes mid-sentence, that she doesn’t have his attention any longer.
"I find it frustrating when I’m talking to Stan about something serious or telling him something that begs a response and I look up and find him staring dumbstruck or totally absorbed – not in what I’m saying – but in the leggy redhead walking past or the curvaceous blonde sashaying down the supermarket aisle."
For many women like Sue, they are unsure whether to take it up with their spouse or just ignore it. Some take it very seriously – as if looking is tantamount to cheating or straying. But it doesn’t have to be so.
While women may not make it so obvious when they admire a man, it could be for either of two reasons : no matter how good looking or attractive, a man rarely evokes the kind of reactions and response that a beautiful or sexy woman does, and of course women are known to be subtle – whether it comes to their reaction to the opposite sex or at hiding their true feelings.
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If for instance, your man is admiring a woman, don’t take it too seriously, as long as:
1. He’s being honest about it
If he’s looking blatantly, as irritating as it might be, he’s telling you loud and clear, "I find that woman appealing but I’m just looking - I’m not going to do anything about it."
2. He doesn’t compare
If all he’s doing is admiring and not drawing comparisons, let him be. As long as he doesn’t tell you what a great figure she has and you should work on your's too, or make you feel inferior using her as a benchmark, leave him to enjoy his little pleasures.
3. He doesn’t look lecherously
As long as he doesn’t make it too obvious that he’s checking her out or stare too hard at her, it’s harmless. Mentally undressing her or looking at another woman to the point it makes either her or you really uncomfortable, however, is not acceptable.
4. He doesn’t start fantasizing about her
If he starts weaving fantasies around the sexy women that he checks out, and if he spells out those fantasies and they start interfering with your sense of self-esteem, then you’ve got a problem on your hands.
5. He makes a disgusting habit out of it
If he enjoys looking at an attractive woman or one with a stunning figure, can you blame him? He’s only acting on his normal male instincts. But if he’s always looking at anything in a skirt, irrespective of the way she looks or dresses, that could rightfully get your goat.
If your husband is looking at other women, analyze it as objectively as you can. See if you can fathom why he does it and why it gets to you. As long as he doesn’t have any hidden agenda and his intentions are above board, go the ‘ignorance is bliss’ way. Do you also think that you're getting hot under the collar about his wandering eyes could be because deep down, you’re insecure about him and his intentions? If so, talk to him about it and tell him how you really feel.
Jenny, married for six years and with two kids, recalls the time when she and her husband Bob were still dating. She says, "I would go livid every time he so much as looked at another woman. It would be like a personal affront – a slight on my own worth as a woman, that I couldn’t manage to keep my man’s eyes fixed on me. A couple of times, I even fancied that a woman Bob was checking out, was looking at me with pity for being with this guy whose eyes were wandering."
Jenny has now realized though, in hindsight, that a large part of how she felt was her own doubts about whether Bob truly loved her and how serious he was about their relationship. Since then, she has been reminded of his commitment in many ways, and has done a turnaround. Nothing has changed as far as Bob checking out a good-looking woman goes, what has changed is the way she reacts to it. She offers a few suggestions to combat those feelings of annoyance…
6. If you can’t beat 'em join 'em
Instead of keeping a hawk’s eye on him and watching him check out other women, why don’t you check out some eye candy yourself. In case he doesn’t like you doing it, that will probably give him a fair idea of how you feel when he does it! After all, turnabout is fair play!
7. Beat him to it
Instead of getting annoyed when he looks at other women, you spot the woman first and draw his attention to her. That way, once you’ve told him to look, he’s only doing your bidding and you can’t get irritated about such an obedient spouse can you?
8. Find humor in it
Start detailing to him exactly how much time you’d have to spend in front of the mirror or how much of his money you’d have to spend on the fancy designer duds she’s wearing, to look the way she does, and obviously his pocket would be lighter for it. Tell him to keep a jacket handy in case she splits that exceedingly tight skirt she’s wearing or spills out of that daringly low-cut blouse!
Ultimately, remember that even men accompanying the most gorgeous women turn to look at another sexy woman. It often has no bearing on their wife/girlfriend, just a very normal male response. As long as he treats you good and is committed to your relationship, this sort of a peccadillo should be laughed at and treated with the proverbial pinch (or bowl!) of salt!