‘Falling in love’ is a powerful phrase in today’s culture. It’s the subject of many a movie, play, television serial and many many many a romance novel. Naturally, this phrase is open to interpretation and means different things to different people. While its meaning varies, so do the circumstances which cause us to ‘fall in love’. Moreover, each stage of a romance has it stages, each stage unique and wonderful, but distinct and real nonetheless.
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Sadly, ‘falling in love’ does not always spell out roses and candlelit dinners. Even romantic relationships take their course, and even the most committed of couples - especially those that have been married a couple of years- go through rough phases. No matter what the root cause of the proble m- be it an extramarital affair, depression or just plain ol’ boredom- if two people are committed to making it work- then no mountain is too high and no barrier impossible to overcome.
Apart from all ‘root causes’ and hidden agendas, perhaps your marriage is just going through a commonplace low phase. Maybe you forgot her birthday or gifted her a vacuum cleaner for Valentine’s Day (hey, the store salesman said it would be a hit!). Perhaps after being married for so long- she’s suffering from the ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ syndrome- you know, your habits annoy her, you snore too loudly or you just can’t seem to remember to put the toilet seat down.
Quite rightly, therefore, you’ve decided to put the spice back in your marriage, recreate the excitement that you shared when you first started dating. Getting your wife to fall in love with you again may not seem to be as difficult as you might think. Just trust your feelings for her and go with your instinct.
Here are some cues to help you get started:
Show her you care about her through the good times and the bad
One of the keys to a woman’s heart is to be there for her, no matter what. A really close friend of mine once told me that there’s nothing more she wants at the end of a hard day, than a big hug from her husband with a heartfelt ‘I love you’. Sounds simple, right? But it really works- just give it a shot. Be understanding when she’s going through a rough patch. Don’t get all judgemental and impatient - everyone goes through tough times. Remember, she’d do the same for you in a heartbeat if things were the other way around.
Surprise and pamper her
There’s nothing a red-blooded woman wouldn’t appreciate more than a good pampering. Ever heard of a woman nagging her husband when he gets her a thoughtful present? While the materialistic world we live in tries to din into our heads, that diamonds, jewelery and tons of money are the only ways to get a woman to fall in love with you, bin that garbage. Surprise your wife with a romantic drive through the country-side, or an impromptu foot massage. Run a scented hot bath for her after a particularly long day or take her for a romantic meal and you’re sure to ‘feel the love’ afterwards. Order 'no reason flowers' for your wife and make her day.
Create a sense of security for her
Security means a lot to a woman - physical security, financial security and emotional security. That’s why the hero in the romance novel will always be strong and persistent, and ultimately the heroine will need his broad shoulders for support. That’s the stuff women crave, no matter how independent and worldly wise they may seem. Of course this doesn’t mean that you suddenly go to the gymnasium and start pumping iron. It simply means that it’s best if you reaffirm both, your love and commitment to your wife. Show her that you’ll always be there to support her, no matter what.
Help her with the everyday stuff
This one’s not gonna be easy. Get ready to help around the house. Maybe your wife is a housewife and loves taking care of your kids (if you have any), but to get your wife to look at you that special way again, you’ll have to pitch in with the housework. Maybe you can take the kids off her hands for a whole evening. Perhaps you could do the laundry and/or feed the pets. Chipping in with these small things will mean a lot to your wife - it will show her that you’re ready to go that extra mile even when it's not easy. So get ready to do the dishes once in a while and polish the silverware, you’ll surely see results!
Again, this is not the easiest tip of the lot. God knows many marriages have broken up over poor communication. Women love to talk and men hate to listen! That’s probably as much a fact of life as bees love honey and sharks are predators. While I’m not suggesting that you spend all your time together listening to her chatter - it is a good idea to just silence all the other stuff in your mind and just listen for a change. Maybe she’s having a tough time perfecting that gateaux recipe, or loved that special Oprah Primetime episode - ask her about them and then just listen. You’ll find you’re attuned to her needs and will be able to experience the closeness you two shared when you first went out.
Rekindle the romance
Easier said than done? Not really. Try these simple tips to get in your wife’s good books again:
Take a trip down memory lane
Patrick told his wife Janet that they were going for a supposed weekend getaway and instead, took her to where they had first met and fallen in love. You know, the restaurant where they had their first date, the theatre where they first held hands and so on. Janet absolutely loved it! Sometimes to go forwards, we need to look to the past for inspiration. If you can’t take a whole trip, perhaps you can surprise her by taking her to a nightclub that the two of you loved or watch your wedding video together - she’ll love reminiscing and reliving the good times the two of you shared.
Plan a romantic date… at home!
At the heart of romance is creating that magic - the two of you spending quality time together in a relaxed atmosphere. That’s why a super romantic idea is to get dressed - and by that, I mean a black suit for you and an evening gown for her—and then enjoy a romantic supper in the comfort of your own home. Complete the evening with some good food, wine and music and you’re all set. A small tip however, plan in advance. Perhaps on a weekend, send the kids away to your parents' house or let them spend the night at one of their friends' places. Keep a CD ready with all your wife’s favourite songs (and don’t forget to keep you and wife’s special song handy). And last but not least, tell and show your wife how much you cherish her.
Give her her space
Once a month, offer to look after the kids and encourage her to have a night out with her friends. Or maybe you can encourage her to pursue something she enjoys- like a hobby or a sport. Finally, keep a positive outlook and show her how much you care about her, and you’re sure to succeed.