While most relationships begin with romantic hopes and promises of togetherness, time is unkind to many of them. Partners fall out over priorities, cheat on each other or simply drift away. The saddest part is that usually things can be worked out if issues are recognized and acknowledged early. So before it is too late look out for these ten signs which could indicate that your relationship is in trouble.
You no longer hurry home
Remember the time when you just couldn’t wait to meet your partner at the end of the day. You would count the hours and minutes before you could rush home to your love. But when things begin to go wrong, you may find your partner or yourself delaying coming back as much as possible. Either of you are likely to dawdle over the last assignment at work or join your co-workers for a drink. It is almost like you can’t face him or her or the prospect that there is nothing to look forward to in this relationship.
You don’t spend time together
One of the surest signs of trouble in a relationship is the lack of quality time spent with each other. Shared activities and interests are what act as a glue in a relationship once the first flush of romance is over. But if you find yourself no longer going out or planning activities with your partner, it is a red flag. Initially this may be masked in the form of overtime at work or unavoidable lunches with family or friends. However with time, even the façade of other commitments may fall off and you realize that you simply don’t want to each other anymore.
You're not having as much sex as before
While sex is not the most important part of a relationship, not having it at all can signal an underlying problem. It is bad enough when one partner wants to make love while the other doesn’t. But even when both partners are alright with no sex, it indicates a loss of intimacy which cannot be healthy for a relationship. Lack of sex is not usually a cause in itself but a symptom of other issues wrecking a relationship like infidelity, differing priorities, insensitivity of one partner to another or health issues.
You fight over money
Together with sex, money ranks as among the top reasons why spouses go for a divorce. Not having enough money, different attitudes to saving and conflicting spending priorities can push a couple away from each other. Here once again fights over money can indicate other issues troubling a relationship. Your husband may not approve of your present traveling job and he may use your expenses as an excuse to mask his displeasure. Or your girlfriend may not like your friends and thus throw a fit when you decide to spend on hiking gear since she knows this means you are planning a trip with them.
You make separate plans
Being in a relationship means staying clued to your partner’s wishes, whether in the short or long run. If you find yourself making plans for shopping or meeting friends which does not include your partner, it means there is a disconnect between you two. At the same time he/she may announce a desire for a weekend getaway knowing full well that you have an important presentation on Monday. When two people are in love, it does not mean that they always want to do the same things, but they give and take a little which ensures that they are in tune with each other. Whereas falling out of love makes couples disregard each other’s priorities and eggs them on to go alone.
There is more intolerance
Small quirks in each other which you may have found endearing at the beginning of your relationship may seem much more annoying now. This is because while couples are more understanding of each other when in love, they find it difficult to accept any imperfections, however little, as love wears away. So if your partner loved your way of whistling while you made coffee every morning, now the same action is enough to make him/her fly into a rage.
He/she makes disparaging remarks about your family
No matter how imperfect parents are, family is one area which demands respect in a relationship. You would never dream of beginning a relationship with a person who is disrespectful towards the people who brought you up. However when a couple cease to love each other, there may be snide remarks and sarcastic comments on families and by extension on particular ethnic, racial or religious backgrounds. This is as sure a sign as any that your partner no longer cares what you think of him/her and is likely to end the relationship.
Your partner embarrasses/criticizes you before company
This is yet another indication that your partner has ceased to respect you as a person and couldn’t care less about your feelings of humiliation and anger. This attitude may take different forms like flirting with someone else in your full view, ignoring your input in a conversation or putting you down before everybody else. Whatever the particular form of expression, public humiliation is one of the surest ways of telling that this is over.
Your fight about everything
Every couple has a fight now and then. But if the periods when you are mad at your partner are longer than when you are OK, it means you both have a problem in your hands. Often there is no rhyme or reason to your fights. Any excuse will do as long as it is a way of venting your anger and frustration at each other.
You no longer talk about the future
Time was when you both would eagerly discuss where to buy a house, what places to go vacationing or even when to have kids. But when two people no longer share the same dreams or even talk about them, it is definite sign that each is going his/her own way.
Ups and downs are normal phases in every relationship. The trick is to recognize the valleys before it is too late and prevent them from pulling your relationship downhill.