In the aftermath of a breakup, you may feel as though you can never get back to loving someone again. And yet if you have allowed ample time and space to your heart to heal, it is possible to start anew after a breakup. If you are still unsure about how to proceed, here are a few tips which will make it easier for you to rejoin the social scene.
TIP: Read the guide to prevent a break up or get back with your ex.
Accept what has happened
Begin by accepting that the relationship has ended. Hard as it may sound, it is necessary to be realistic at this stage and face the fact that things are not going to work out. Instead of being tempted to flirt with others or take recourse to emotional blackmail in order to get your ex to come around, accept what has happened so that your heart goes through its grieving process and is then free to move on.
Find new things to interest you
One of the best ways to restart your life after a breakup is to find new things to do. If you had met your ex at the gym or at the book club, going back to those places might renew some very painful memories. Rather get interested in a new hobby like pottery-making or baking. Alternately learn a new language, join up for dance classes or go back to college for a short course. You will not only learn a new skill but meet an entirely new set of people who know nothing of your past and care even less. However don’t pick up something just for the sake of finding a new partner or you might be setting yourself up for some more heartbreak. Instead focus on enjoying a new experience and things will seem much brighter for you.
Set new goals for yourself
A good way to get back your inner bearings is to do things you couldn’t or perhaps weren’t allowed to in your previous relationship. For instance plan a walking tour through the mountain trails of Bhutan if your ex disliked going abroad. Or get a pup if your former partner was against having pets in the house. One of the worst parts of a breakup is witnessing the plans you had made with your partner as part of a future together fall apart. So setting and achieving new goals will not only help you look ahead again but also feel that loss may have brought some dividends, however little.
Head out for the unknown
Often a change of scene and people can speed up the process of moving on post breakup. Go for the vacation you always intended to but could not fit into your schedule because of your ex-partner. Explore new surroundings, culture and cuisine and you will realize that this world is too vast and life too short to waste on grieving over the past. Indeed going on an adventure and travels may even offer several opportunities to meet new people, from all over the world.
Go out in a group
Instead of diving into the dating scene after a breakup, get back to socializing in a group. If friends plan to drag you out for a weekend movie, don’t make excuses to stay at home. Or you could plan with close family members to go to a favorite restaurant of theirs. Going out with familiar faces will let you be within your comfort zone while allowing you to get back to the social scene.
Socialize but don’t make it exclusive
As you begin to feel better, try to get back to the social circuit on your own. Have a coffee with that attractive guy or girl you usually bump into the or even accept the invite to your boss’s housewarming party. Join a singles club or accept a blind date that friends may have arranged for you. Once you decide that you are ready to meet new people, let your close friends and family know about it. They may not only help by spreading the word around but may even set you up with someone suitable. Moreover getting to know someone interesting at your friend’s barbecue party or a cousin’s birthday bash will allow you to be on your home ground, as it were, and thus lessen the tension of a full-fledged date.
Look for common interests
When seeking to date again, choose partners with whom you have something in common like a love for the rock ‘n’ roll music of the sixties, cooking Thai cuisine or collecting period silverware. This is because having mutual interests will make it easier to have a conversation on a date from where you can go on to talk about your lives, once you are more comfortable with each other. On the other hand, if the only reason why you choose a date is because he/she looks hot, then you will be missing the ingredients of a more meaningful interaction and hence will have a temporary thrill at best.
Let go of the past
Carrying the emotional baggage of a failed relationship while dating is bound to get tiring sooner or later. When meeting somebody new, try not to compare him/her with your ex. Talk about your past only if your date asks about any serious relationships that you may have had in the past. And even when you are tempted to call your ex some pretty colorful names, refrain from doing so since appearing out of control may scare away your date. At the same time, don’t get paranoid at every mail not replied or phone call not returned. Your date may have simply forgot or been too busy with other things. Try to put things in context before jumping to conclusions or taking hasty decisions.
Finally don’t rush into an emotional commitment soon after you start dating. No matter how nice it feels to have the vacuum in your life filled by another relationship, take time to meet new people from various walks of life. Fill your days with new and exciting things to do so that dating is part of returning to a healthy social life and not finding a pair of emotional crutches. A rebound relationship before you have healed completely will not only add to the emotional baggage but will be unfair to the new partner as well. Instead keep an open mind and just focus on having an interesting time. Eventually you are sure to come across someone you might want to know better.