Romantic relationships have a funny way of taking a person through a roller coaster of emotions. Just when you thought you had a good thing going with your partner, you end up being shown the door. Or maybe you had sensed something going awry in your relationship but never imagined things to come to a point where your partner would walk out on you.
Whatever the situation leading to it, rejection is one of the hardest experiences to live through. The end of a relationship, and a cherished one at that, sometimes leaves one feeling quite disillusioned with life. If it has happened to you, take heart and remember that sooner or later, the feeling of misery will subside. So go through the following points and get over being dumped.
TIP: Read the guide to prevent a break up or get back with your ex.
Accept the present situation
Begin by accepting that the relationship has ended. Hard as it may sound, it is necessary to be realistic at this stage and face the fact that your partner is not coming back. You cannot begin the healing process unless you consciously realize that your relationship is over.
Give yourself time to grieve
Allow yourself a few days to mourn the loss of what you thought was a beautiful relationship. Pull down the blinds, put on some soulful music and have a good cry. Do whatever is necessary to work the misery out of your system. But avoid drinking binges, drug-taking or any other risk-taking behaviour.
Avoid the let's-be-friends trap
The quickest way to get over being dumped is to cut off all contact with your ex-lover. There is no sense in wanting to remain “friends” as it will only encourage hopes of reconciliation and thus further delay the healing process. Make a clean break and get on with your life.
Write a letter
A good way to get all those hurtful feelings out your system is to put them on paper. It can serve as a catharsis. Chances are that you had been so shocked by your partner walking out on you, that you were not able to present your side of the matter. So write down all that you had wanted to say while you were being dumped and call a few names to your ex-lover for good measure. But when you are finished, rip up the letter and throw away the pieces along with the hurt that your ex-partner has caused you.
Discard all evidence of the relationship
Feel free to throw away letters, cards, photos and gifts that your ex-lover might have given you. You could delete emails and photos from your computer or mobile and chuck away all personal stuff that may be still lying around your place. Alternatively you may feel strong enough to return his or her junk, but just mail it instead of taking it over to your ex’s place.
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Don’t succumb to a rebound relationship
Getting dumped may goad you into having an affair, just to prove the point that not everybody thinks you a loser. But remember, rebound affairs never work, because you are just not emotionally ready for a new relationship. And even if you are not serious about it yourself, it is grossly unfair to the other person, who may not be aware of your real feelings.
Get on with your regular life
A common reaction to getting dumped is to just get under the covers and wish that you never have to face the world again. But impossible as it may seem at the time, the soonest way to bounce back is to get on with your ordinary life. The otherwise mind-numbing routine of a domestic life – taking out the trash, shopping for supplies, filling up the gas tank – will compel you to continue with your regular life and thus come out of your house, instead of giving way to depression.
Go through self-help books
These days there are several resources which help a person to cope with an emotional crisis. Self-help books and videos, “inspirational” material and even support groups can often prove to be highly effective in helping a person deal with failure in a relationship.
Take the help of friends
Ask your friends and family to help you through these difficult times. Chances are that people close to you already know of your breakup, so don’t hesitate to surround yourself with people who really care about you.
Adopt varied interests
Learn a new language, join up for dance classes or take up a new hobby. Keeping your mind engaged in new pursuits will not only enable you to forget your ex-partner, but will also offer the mental satisfaction that comes with gaining new knowledge. Moreover you will be able to acquire a new circle of friends who are likely to know nothing and care little about your break-up.
Take a vacation
Often a change of scene and people can speed up the healing process when you are trying to cope with the end of a relationship. Go for the vacation you always intended to but could not fit into your schedule because of your ex-partner. Explore new surroundings, culture and cuisine and you will realize that this world is too vast and life too short to waste on grieving over the past.
Expand your social circle
When you are feeling slightly better about yourself, go out and make new friends. Join a singles club or accept a date that friends may have arranged for you. This is not to say that you should rush into another relationship, but keep an open mind and just focus on having an interesting time. Who knows, you may actually come across someone you might want to know better.
Going through a breakup is one of the most difficult emotional experiences and more so when it has been forced upon you by the other person. But however painful, it is possible to leave the past behind and get a new life. Just be prepared to give it time – lots of it. On certain days, you may feel things looking up and on others, you may feel that you are back where you started from. But slowly and eventually, you are sure to find that a new day has dawned – brighter and lovelier than before.