Getting Married in your Thirties - for Women

With social mores and expectations undergoing a sea-change, it is no longer mandatory for women to settle down with a husband and children before they hit 30. Today’s woman would much rather focus on college and her job while in her twenties and then be ready to enjoy the fruits of a rewarding career and a confident personality in her thirties. However if and when she does choose to get married, here are a few tips that might be of help.

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Resolve to make your personal life a priority

While the thirties is a good time for a woman to get married this is also when she is in the thick of making her professional mark. So with a busy career and a full-fledged social life, a woman might find her romantic life being perpetually put on the backburner. The first step therefore if you wish to get married is to make your personal life a priority. Go ahead with finding a life partner with the same sense of direction and purpose that you would invest in your work. Rather than simply waiting for Mr. Right to come along, take time out to look your best and meet new people. You have spent enough years believing that marriage wasn’t important but now that it is, start living as though you care.

Don’t marry for the wrong reasons

Very often women in their thirties start looking for a life partner when they see friends getting married or having babies. Fears about being left as the only single in the group and the biological clock ticking away usually goad women into settling for the next man that comes along. Before you find yourself swept away by the same emotions, ask yourself as to what exactly you are looking for in a relationship. Do you want to be married because you are scared of being alone or because you want to share your life and love with a good man? Also determine if it’s just a committed long term relationship you want or the emotional, social and legal bonding of marriage you are looking for.Today there are all sorts of configurations in relationships which allow women greater choice than before. You can even have a child, biological or adopted, without going through a marriage. Marrying for the right reasons will not only provide the greatest fulfillment but vastly reduce chances of a breakup or divorce in future. At thirty plus, you've probably had a few relationships and are more aware of what could go wrong than you were in your twenties.



Visualize marriage positively

As an independent adult woman who has done so well for herself till now, you may feel conflicted about your desire to get married in your thirties. After all, you may ask yourself, how will a mere marriage certificate give me any more than what I already have – a successful career, a loving partner and good friends? The thing to remember here is that by sharing your life with someone, you are not losing out on freedom or control but merely becoming part of a larger, happier team. Similarly allowing someone else to do things for you does not imply that you are weak or incompetent; it is instead a way of letting others to feel appreciated in a direct and concrete way. So be thankful for the good life you have had as a single woman till now but imagine how much richer it would be with a partner to love and support you by your side. Viewing marriage in a positive light instead of seeing it as a kind of capitulation will make you feel better and help you find the right person.

Clarify your priorities

The qualities that women look for in a partner are bound to change over time and what she looks for in her thirties will be dfferent from a decade earlier. While you may have declared in your late teens never to date someone who wore green, in your mid-twenties it might have changed to never dating a man who had an ex-wife or kids from a previous marriage. Ask yourself what exactly you are looking for in a partner at this stage of your life. It could be someone with financial stability or a kind, generous personality. Again be very specific about the qualities that you require a potential spouse to have as opposed to a romantic partner. The latter could be a great lover in bed but if he has a fiery temper, it wouldn’t be much fun to have him around as a husband. Along with being clear about the must-haves like honesty and sense of humor, the good-to-haves like a good height and interest in classical music, also be sure of what you don’t want at all in a spouse. Deal-breakers could include a habit of smoking, dishonesty or being between jobs.

Get rid of obstacles that have kept you single

There could be several reasons why you chose not to get married in your twenties – you were studying, nurturing a career or you hadn’t met the right person. However it could also be that you are a perfectionist and no one has met your standards. Likewise you may never have met the right person because you have been too lazy to widen your social circle. So identify the real impediments that have kept you from meeting marriageable men and make efforts to remove them. Call up old friends and go to their parties where you can meet more people. Get a hobby which will take you out of your house. Also examine the men you are going out with now. Are they the marriageable sort of do all of them include confirmed bachelors, mama’s boys and lazy spongers? No matter how much they are fun to be with, unless you get rid of these types you can never make room for men who are interested in a more meaningful relationship. So instead of taking refuge in elaborate rationalizations, be honest about what has held you back and make genuine efforts to take your personal life forward.

Be content

Finally be happy with the life you already have. Be grateful for all things you have been blessed with or worked hard for – your good health, a successful career and enjoyable hobbies. People are turned off by those who appear needy or have a negative attitude to life. So the happier and more content you are, the more likely you are to attract others to you, including eligible men.