One of the things that set apart a marriage from any other long-term relationship is that it is more difficult to get out of when things go wrong. And this is precisely why you should consider getting married only when you are completely ready. But what do you do when your boyfriend appears eager to walk down the aisle? You might be comfortable in the current relationship but your partner may want more. Here is how to tell your boyfriend that you want to wait for some more time before tying the knot.
TIP: Remember to Ask these Questions Before you Agree to Marry Someone
Pick up the hints
How did you assume that your boyfriend is ready to marry you? Probably because he dropped a few hints, here and there. If this is the case, address the hints directly. It would not do either of you any good, if you keep ignoring the hints. While you may mistakenly think that you have evaded any possibility of commitment, your partner might assume that you are merely shy or nervous and not really opposed to marriage. So the next time your boyfriend makes any suggestive remarks, take them head-on and ask him what he means by them.
If your boyfriend regularly brings up the topic of marriage, be civil enough to address his concerns promptly. Let him know that you are not yet ready for marriage and if he asks the reasons, tell them clearly. Don’t turn the question into a forum for expressing your grievances against him or discussing any issues that your relationship may be facing. There are other times when you can do that.
Decide if you want marriage
Go over your own aspirations in life and see whether marriage fits into them. You may want to be successful in a career where juggling family and work commitments would be difficult. Or you may want to learn new things in foreign countries which may again make a marriage difficult to sustain. Decide what you want to do with your life and whether you want to get married at all. If not, then you should not waste any time in letting your boyfriend know of your plans so that he does not keep waiting for someone who will never want to get married.
Consider your reasons
In most cases women put off marriage in order to achieve success in their careers when the time is right. However if there are commitment issues on your side, it is better to work them out before you let your boyfriend know of your decision. Are you afraid of marriage because to you it means getting tied down to one person? Or do you worry that the responsibilities that come with marriage will make you too busy to have some personal time? Find out the reason which makes you hesitant to commit yourself and then see if you can resolve them either by yourself or with your partner’s support.
Fix a time frame
However if you do want to get married at some point in the future, discuss with your boyfriend if he is willing to wait and for how long. You might be in a crucial phase of your career at present where being committed to a relationship might take away valuable time and energy. Or you might want to complete your studies or an internship before getting married. Talk about your life goals with your boyfriend so that he does not have unrealistic expectations regarding the time frame within which you might choose to settle down.
Look at your finances
Very often when a man and woman begin to get along reasonably well, either of them begins to think of marriage. If you find your boyfriend doing the same while you can see certain practical matters cropping up, help him to look at the other side of the rosy picture. Consider if your joint earnings will be sufficient to pull a family? Have either of you taken a mortgage or a substantial loan which must be paid off before you can begin to loosen your pockets? What if a baby comes along and you have to stay at home? Will your boyfriend’s income be enough to cover all living expenses? Make your boyfriend see the financial implications of marriage and then maybe he will know why you want to wait some more.
Don’t turn talk of marriage into something taboo
If you begin to consciously avoid any mention of marriage for fear of bringing out your disagreements into the open, you will only be setting up yourselves to come under intense pressure. Even a newlywed couple walking by or a magazine advertisement of wedding bands will be enough to make the two of you wince in anxiety. So even if your boyfriend wants to marry and you do not, don’t turn marriage into a taboo subject. Rather talk openly and calmly of marriage as it relates to other people. Your boyfriend will be less likely to think that you are against marriage as a matter of principle.
Be honest in your answer
If your boyfriend comes up with a direct proposal of marriage, be honest enough to say that you are not ready. Tell him you love him and are happy in the present relationship but are not prepared to take on a new role and the commitments that come with it. Above all don’t keep him hanging on with false hopes if you do not intend to change your mind in near future. Let him have the freedom to look for a new partner if marriage and having a family figure high in his list of priorities. Finally, wish him luck and get on with your life.
It can be quite stressful to deal with pressure to get married, especially when it comes from a partner whom you love and don’t want to upset. Added to this is the fear of losing him if you continue to put off marriage. If you are already happy in your relationship, you might be loathe to lose the companionship and intimacy you share with your current boyfriend. On the other hand, you may not be ready to exchange your freedom and flexible routine for a more committed role. So if you feel that you are not yet prepared to get married, it is best to make matters clear. This will not only ensure that your partner is not misled by false hopes but will also enable you to live freely without any stressful expectations.