Nearly everyone has been in a long distance relationship at one time or another. Online dating has made it easier to meet people all over the world that you never would have had a chance to get to know otherwise. As jobs become harder and harder to find, people are being forced to move in order to secure employment of any kind often leaving good relationships behind. While this type of relationship is becoming more widespread, they are not getting any easier to make work. We have all seen an otherwise good relationship break under the stress of miles of separation. So how do you keep him interested in you when you are not right there in front of him? Here are a couple of ideas that may help you hold on to Mr. Right even if he is far from where you are.
Communication is key
This is true in any kind of relationship but even more so for people in LDRs. Make sure you reach out and touch him in some way everyday. Today there are so many options for communicating with someone that you can do it without him feeling like you are suffocating him even at a distance. Call him often. Hearing your voice will keep you firmly in mind while he is out and about. Set a time every evening to have a conversation. Let him know that though you can’t always be there to hold him, he still has someone he can lean on or vent to or share his triumphs with. As long as you can hold that place for him, you have a much better chance of holding his heart and thought. If calling isn’t an option, there are text, emails, chat rooms even regular postal mail. Tell him about you day and listen to him as well. Let him know that you are still interested in what is going on in his life. And send him a card occasionally. He may not admit it but he likes getting birthday cards or Christmas cards or cards just to say you care.
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Visit when you can..
Depending on how far away you are or what is going on in your life this may be hard to arrange but if you really want to keep his interest on you make the effort to be there when you can. This does not mean you should do all the work. He should make just as much of an effort to come to you. But if you are not willing to come to him, you can’t expect him to try too hard as well. I understand circumstances may not allow this but if it is possible at all be there when you can. Try to make the time special while you are there. You don’t have to do a lot when you are together. Just sitting at home and catching up. Curl up on the couch and watch a movie. Whatever you do, let it remind him of why he is still with you despite the miles.
Give him some physical reminders of you
This could be as simple as a picture in a frame that he can put on his desk or wall or coffee table. If you collect something, send one to him. It is not whether or not he is into them. It is the fact that every time he sees it he will think of you. And that is what you want - you on his mind in little ways.
Do things together while you are apart
Have a favorite show that you both love? Get online and chat with him while you are both watching it. Take a night and both of you go see the same movie and then get together and talk about it afterwards. Read the same books at the same time and discuss it. Anything that you can experience at the same time and compare notes about qualifies. It is not quite as good as doing it together but it can still feel like you are.
It is very easy to imagine the worst when your boyfriend is away from your influences. What is he doing tonight? Did he seem distracted earlier? Why hasn’t he emailed me back yet? Has he found someone there? Being jealous and questioning about everything he did and everyone he talked to will push him right into the arms of someone else. Being paranoid and worrying constantly about his faithfulness will only make you miserable and will end up affecting your relationship even if you don’t tell him about it. If you can’t trust him, your LDR is going to crash and burn quickly.
Don’t tempt yourself
Don’t put yourself into positions to make him jealous or worry. Don’t talk about the same guy at work that helps you out anytime you need it. Don’t go into details about the wild bachelorette party you went to over the weekend.
Always assume that he loves you and would rather be with you than where ever he is right now. The problem with communicating via email or even phone calls is that you can not see the nonverbal things he is saying. This can lead to misinterpretations that could ruin a very good relationship. If you read something in a message that sounds bad, think about how else it could have been meant. Chances are if he is trying to tell you something is wrong, he is going to make it obvious. If you are constantly going back to him for an explanation of what he meant when he said “the guys think I should get out more and they are probably right” than you are going to push him away just as fast as if you were accusing him of infidelity.
Any relationship takes time, work, trust, loyalty and a million other things to make it grow. Long term relationships take all of that and then some. But just because it is harder does not mean they are not worth it. If you think this guy is worth the risk long term relationships pose chances are you think he is worth the extra work involved to keep him interested.