Having One Last Fling before Marrying Him - Why It's a Bad Idea
A growing trend of bachelorette parties these days is having the final fling before the ring. Long a staple of bachelor parties, such hook-ups were the reason why it was an unspoken agreement among the groom and his friends not to talk about the things that happened on the night before the wedding. With the falling away of gender-based morality, women too have claimed for themselves the right to one last night of fun and freedom before walking down the aisle. But at the end of the day, how wise is such a fling and what does a night filled with indiscretions indicate for the commitment that you are about to enter the next day reveling in the final moments before the lockdown of marriage.
Skewed notion of marriage
For most brides-to-be, a night of reckless abandon at her bachelorette party may sound nothing more than harmless fun; she is told that this is the night when she can get the final longings of singlehood out of your system so that she can approach marriage with complete seriousness.But there is a problem with this approach which sees a bachelorette party as a last opportunity to enjoy freedom and marriage as a state of dreaded lockdown. If you too take such a negative view of marriage, then it is a sign that you should move cautiously towards marriage. Being joined in matrimony with the one you love is not a dreaded prison cell with maximum security banning all fun and freedom. On the contrary marriage with the right person can be the most freeing state two people can enter into. Not only do you have the freedom to love and be loved but also to know and be known. You are given the gift of intimacy and vulnerability that is impossible to achieve outside of marriage. You have gained a partner for life with whom you can explore, laugh, and enjoy life to its fullest. There is sexual, spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental freedom that is found only in marriage.
Is a fling really freeing
On the other hand if you consider having a last fling, perhaps at your bachelorette party, as the final opportunity to enjoy freedom, you are giving into a backward thought process that is directly in opposition with the values of love and trust that make the foundation of marriage. Strippers, exotic dancers, drinking binges and sexual indiscretions are hardly freeing, no matter what movies show and your friends tell you. In fact such flings are just the opposite - they end up creating bondage and baggage that you will be taking into your new marriage – thus complicating a new relationship even before it has taken off. No less is the danger of sexually transmitted diseases. at a time when you are drunk and have lost all sense of judgment, it is unlikely you will remember to use yourself or insist that your sexual partner use protection – the consequences can be harsh, ranging from STDs to a baby that is not your future spouse’s.
Are you truly ready for marriage
Most importantly if the need to have a last fling before marriage is so pressing to you, in all likelihood it means that you are not truly ready to get married. if you've been with someone for years and you're about to be married, what is the point of one final fling? The last thing that should be on your mind heading into your wedding day is getting the final impulse of singlehood out of your system - shouldn't you have got that out before you started dating exclusively or at least got engaged to your spouse-to-be?
If you are truly certain that this is the guy you wish to get married to, then on the night before the wedding, it is more natural to be thinking about how much you love him, how excited you are about the marriage, how you can be the best spouse possible, and the importance of the vows you are about to make. Those vows include cherishing, protecting, and sticking by your significant other for the rest of your life through thick and thin. on the other hand if on the eve of your wedding you want to do nothing more than having getting drunk on the lap of strange men and having a fling, then surely somewhere your innermost desires and conscious plans are mismatched – in other words you are not really ready for true commitment.
What does it augur for the future
Above all, take a moment to consider what having a final fling bodes for the future of your marriage. If you can’t control yourself a day or two before the wedding, then how can you trust your sense of self-control and commitment that you will be carrying into and throughout the life of your marriage. If you give yourself a hall pass for a fling on your bachelorette party or elsewhere, you will be making yourself allowances for later on, that may eventually hurt and ultimately, destroy your marriage.
What you can do about it
Society and your friends may tell you that it is perfectly acceptable, even expected, to have a night of carelessness to mark your passage into the married life. Such notions are largely perpetuated by vehicles of popular culture like movies, and television shows. But while final flings and their consequences make for hilarious or riveting situations on the screen, in real life you probably don’t need all that drama. in other words, if you are under pressure to be involved in something risque, keep in mind that you do have a choice. You can opt for the reckless night that undermines the man or woman you need to be and the sanctity of marriage, or you can choose to celebrate the finding of that one person you want to be with for the rest of your life. A good idea is to plan a joint bachelor/bachelorette party weekend where you and your fiancé can party together with some games, laughter and memories. Even if you do a party separately, ensure that you keep to things that you can take pictures of and tell one another about without shame or guilt. In the end, you will be glad that you had surrounded ourselves with friends who were full of integrity and helped to promote your marriage, and you will be thankful for a wise choice where you didn’t have to worry about what the other one was doing.
There is no doubt that the responsibilities and commitments of marriage can be difficult to sustain; there are bound to be times where your vows are going to be tested and your love challenged. This is exactly why personal integrity and mutual trust are so important in holding two people together. The marital bonding doesn’t magically begin when you say, “I do.” It starts long before in the decisions you make, the life you lead, the people you surround yourself with, and the self-control you put into practice. You can’t be careless one day and suddenly responsible and full of integrity the next. If you want your future marriage to be successful, you need to work on being the man or woman, husband or wife that you should be and that your future spouse deserves even before your wedding and that means staying away from flings and indiscretions.