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How to Keep your Self-Respect Intact When Trying to Get Back With an Ex
Breakups and patch-ups happen all the time. There are articles galore on how to win back with an ex and considering the vagaries of the human heart, getting back together is not really so difficult. What is more complicated though is getting an ex back while holding on your self-respect. You want to reconcile but don’t want to come off as desperate or needy in the process. Here are then a few tips on how keep your head high when trying to get back with an ex.
Agree that a breach has taken place
Contrary though it may sound, you can start the process of getting back your ex by agreeing with the breakup. If it was not been initiated by you, probably he still expects you to cry hot tears, throw a tantrum and create a scene about the breakup. But the truth is that most people and men especially hate such scenes and can’t handle extreme displays of emotion. Instead accept that there has been a breach in your relationship and you need to move away in order to come back. In fact if you come across him after the breakup, be calm and talk of other things as far as it is natural to do so. You will not only catch him off guard with your cool stance but even impress him with your maturity and self-respect. On the other hand, if you keep struggling against his decision to part ways, then the battle is lost even before it has begun.
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Put in some distance
If it has been only a short time, say a week, since you both decided to part ways, ignore your ex as much as possible. This has the advantage of maintaining your self-respect as well as making your ex miss you a little. If you call him/her back too soon or want to meet up again, you will come off as needy and emotionally immature and he/she will only want move further away. On the other hand if he/she calls you or asks you over, play hard-to-get for a while unless you feel that your ex is actually serious in making up. After this when you actually meet, it will seem like his/her idea while you get to keep your poise.
One of the best ways to use the cooling off period is to enhance yourself and make room for self-growth. This will make your ex want to get to know you again without any loss of self-respect on your part. If your ex had been attracted by your intelligent personality, go back pursuits which will enrich your mind and broaden your mental horizons. Or if your bright, outgoing nature had attracted him/her in the first place, make sure you are cheerful and positive when he/she is around. Correct any negative attitudes that may have crept within you and see that people are happy to be with you. Your ex too will pick up the positive energies emanating from you and want to stick around.
Along with improving your mind, enhance your looks too. Shallow as it may sound, you may need to spruce up your looks if you are interested in winning back your ex. Over time as partners tend to slip into the comfort zone in a relationship, they to relax the need to look perfect all the time or even put-together. So if you have been neglecting your appearance, it is time to take stock. Go for a glamorous makeover if you can afford it. Even small changes like a fresh hairstyle or a pair of sexy shoes can turn give you a new confident look. At the same time though be careful not to ape the other men or woman in your looks and style since this will make you appear insecure. Discover what makes you unique and play up your best points.
Be on the radar
Even if you wish to maintain your self-respect, going off the radar completely will not help you in winning your ex back. You need to find ways of letting him that now and then he/she still figures in your thoughts. For instance send him a short mail saying how you went back to this restaurant that used to be his favorite and remembered the great time that you both had there. Or text her on her promotion at work and wish her luck. However don’t go into detailed flashbacks but keep it casual and non-threatening. Also don’t call or text when you know he/she is with a date –your ex will find it bad manners and suspect you off de-railing his/her dating life.
Keep interactions pleasant
Once you have got back on speaking terms, casually ask your ex if he/she would like going out with mutual friends for a drink or meeting you at the club for a game of tennis. Keep the conversation easy if he/she agrees to such meetings and stay close to topics of general interest. Try to make your interactions as light and upbeat as possible. Do things which you used to enjoy when you were first dating if you launch into serious talk about your past relationship, your ex may get cold feet and want to back off. Above all don’t badmouth his/her current date or he may get defensive about the latter and be goaded into emphasizing a connection even when a serious one doesn’t exist. Also take things slowly and don’t demand reassurance or commitment from your ex right away or this will make you seem needy. Keep things pleasurable and positive between you two so that it leads to greater interactions and you both rediscover the highs of being with each other. Eventually when your ex delves into past reminiscences, you may take the cue and follow it up from there. This will help you keep your self-respect even as bring your ex back to one-to-one equation with you.
Ask if your ex would like to talk
After you have achieved a level of comfort with your ex-boyfriend, see if he would like to talk about the past. Begin by expressing regret that things didn’t work out between you two instead of attacking him for the failure of the relationship. However be alert to his reactions and drop the matter if he still seems uncomfortable about the past. On the other hand, if he follows your lead, discuss what went wrong and how things can be worked out.
Finally, enrich your life with other interests
Apart from having a job, also get involved in hobbies or charities which interest you. Spend some time on yourself – working out, taking care of your skin or hair or just reconnecting with yourself through music, meditation and the like. If you have kids, plan outings with them. Not only they will be glad to have a parent who is around more often but you will get to enjoy them before they grow up and leave. It is often the fear of being single rather than genuine love for an ex that leads one to desire to get back together. A busy life will leave you little time to obsess over your ex and thus prevent you from being easily available. In fact a person who has a lot going on in his/her life is far more appealing to a potential date than one who is bored. Make new friends and get interested in new pursuits. Be good at your work and have a fulfilling life. Your ex will see that you have moved on and have emerged a stronger and more mature person. This will make him/her curious about knowing you again and lead him/her back to you.