Lesbian Dating - How to Meet and Date a Butch Woman


Like heterosexual partners, those looking for same-sex love also have preferences when it comes to appearance and personality. The butch woman marked by masculine looks and ways are a particular favorite in lesbian dating. So if you are newly out or looking for the partner of your dreams, here are a few tips on how to meet and date a butch woman.

A butch woman

Gender identities are at the best of times complex things but when it comes to lesbian women, constructions of feminity and masculinity involve a whole range of combinations in between. At the two extremes are the butch woman and the femme woman. The latter indicates someone who conforms to the typical notions of feminity – in other words she is girlie in her appearance and dress sense. Also known as ‘lipstick’, the femme is a lesbian who loves fashion, makeup and all the traditional female conventions straight women follow. The butch woman on the other hand keep their hair short, wear no makeup and are almost always dressed in pants, jeans or trousers. Also known as a dipstick, a butch woman is into masculine things like cars, engines and physically rigorous sports.

TIP: Browse photo profiles of lesbian single women.

Don’t go by appearances

While you may be looking for a butch woman, don’t have a watertight notion about what she should and should not behave like.  Lesbian writers and dating experts point out that there are several women looking for same-sex love who fit somewhere in between the two extremes of butch and femme and could be identified by all sorts of labels: femmy butches, soft butches, high femmes, blue jean femmes, bois and even trannies. So if you are thinking of dating a butch woman, be open to a whole range of interests and personality types she may exhibit. She may be dressed in pants and sport a short haircut but at the same time enjoy ballet. Interestingly there may be a disjunction between how a woman comes across like and how she sees herself – for instance you may come across a woman who seems hard butch but she may consider herself as soft butch or almost femme on some days. Also if you are keen to date a butch woman, consider if it is because of the mix of qualities she embodies - Perhaps what you are attracted to is a girl who looks like a man, but has the softness, tenderness and sensibilities of a woman. In the end it is best to trust your instinct when it comes to choosing your partner – your heart will tell you what and how you feel for the person sitting before you.

Go out and socialize

If you are looking to meet butch women to date, you need to get out of your comfort zone. If you have an LGBT youth group at your college or perhaps church, join it. You will get to talk to people who are going through some of the same issues you are facing and you might find a date. An even better idea is to get involved in hobby clubs. Traditionally masculine interests like sports, cars, carpentry and others stand a good chance of attracting butch women among its members. If you enjoy sports, look into leagues in your area and go out and join a team. However be careful to pick hobbies that you are interested in. If you join a society merely to meet potential dates, you may be disappointed in not finding any. On the other hand if you do something you love, then your chances of meeting the right partner increases – best of all, if you meet someone nice then you and she have something important in common. There are lesbian bars and clubs in most big cities where you can look for a woman of your preferences. If at all you are unable to come across a single butch women, then go online. These days there are several dating sites which cater to the preferences of lesbian women. However practice online safety when looking for potential partners and also be conscious of your security when meeting someone for the first time in real life.

Be confident

Just because you wish to date a butch woman you don’t have to go to the other extreme and act all dainty and helpless in order to attract her attention. Butch women in fact are excited by self-assured lesbians who have the courage and confidence to approach them. You may be a femme or a soft butch yourself, if you show that you know your heart and are not afraid to follow its dictates, it could be a huge turn-on for butch women. However before you pick one up, make sure she is single – like you would in a heterosexual dating scenario.

Praise her

A butch woman like to be told they look nice too. If you are going out on a date, tell your butch partner that she looks hot since she probably spent a good amount of time picking up that vintage shirt and branded jeans. Look lovingly at your partner and maintain eye contact; if you have been getting along well, initiate some physical contact too. You may try touching her in public as a definite signal that you would love to get close to her. Also you could let her drive or ask her to drop you at your place – butch women like to feel they are in control.

Don’t expect her to behave like a man

Just because you are dating a butch woman, don’t expect her to do all the things a man is supposed to do in a heterosexual relationship – in case that is what you want, you would have been dating a guy in the first place. So when out together, don’t naturally assume that your partner will pay for the movie or dinner. Likewise in an intimate space, don’t automatically expect her to always take the lead just because she is butch – like in straight relationships, there are all manners of sexual preferences, the same applies here too and so find out what works best for you both.