A healthy relationship is one which allows both partners to have their own space as much as it makes them committed to each other. However if you find that your boyfriend wants you to ‘belong’ to him rather than allow you to grow and evolve in the relationship, then you might have to rethink your priorities. Here are the most common ten signs of a possessive boyfriend that you should watch out for.
He wants to know where you have been
The most obvious sign of a possessive boyfriend is that he wants to be in control – of you, your behavior and your other relationships. If he calls you at home late one evening and gets the answering machine, he is most likely to demand where you were, with whom and why till so late in the night. This kind of behavior rarely means that he loves you too much to miss you but merely that he wants to control every aspect of your social life.
He calls you ten times a day
He calls you ten times a day apparently to ‘see how you are doing’. It is not romantic if your boyfriend calls or texts you in the middle of the night, when he knows that you have gone off to sleep. It is insecurity which makes him call you several times a day just to make sure that he knows what you are doing and who you are with. Such a person will soon go to the extent of screening your calls, checking the caller ID and before you know it, deciding which calls you should take and which ignore.
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He claims to have no friends except you
This is manipulative behavior at its devious best. By claiming that you are the focus of his life, he seems to be putting you above everybody else but actually he is trying to put you in a position where every little thing in your life has to be about him. if you happen to go with your friends and take out a little time for yourself, he will interpret it as neglecting him and worse harming the relationship.
He wants to know exactly how you know this guy
Many women find a hint of jealousy from their boyfriends quite flattering since it makes them feel cherished. The difference between this and possessiveness is when your boyfriend is not satisfied with merely knowing that the guy you met at the mall is just a co-worker. He wants to know much more – is he in your department, is he married, in a committed relationship and how come you have so much to say to each other outside working hours – you get the idea!
He tells you what to wear
This is not about a simple suggestion here and there. This is a man who has a suggestion every day and all day. He will point out that your dress is too short, your pants too tight and your shirt too low-cut. He will soon move from making suggestions to planning your wardrobe, to the extent that he might get rid of clothes that he feels show too much of ‘his’ woman. So if you find that you are unable to shop for clothes without being chaperoned by your boyfriend, it is a definite sign that he is way too possessive.
He wants to know why you must visit your family
Most possessive men do not like their partners spending time with their families, until they are there to control the conversation. This is not so much because they are jealous of anything that their girlfriends do without them but more because they are afraid of being found out. Most mothers and females of a family can spot a jerk from a mile away and he knows that they have more influence over a woman’s decision in romantic relationships, at least in the initial stages. Eventually the woman will see less and less of her family since her boyfriend is not ‘comfortable’ around them.
He assumes that you will like whatever he gets for you
A possessive man cannot imagine that you may have a choice of your own. He believes that whatever he finds worthwhile will surely be appreciated by you. Perhaps this is why he cannot understand why you did not seem ecstatic when he got you the hand blender for your birthday.
When you have friends over..
He creates a fuss when you invite friends over for lunch. If your boyfriend is possessive, it is unlikely that he will be satisfied even when he knows who you are socializing with. If you are having friends over for lunch or even coffee, he may demand to know why you did not check with him first. This is controlling behavior at its worst, one for which there is simply no excuse.
He cannot understand why you don’t like fish
It is not enough for a possessive man to determine with whom and how his partner should spend her time but he must be able to control her likes and dislikes too. Whether it is food, music or sports, you must like exactly the same things that he does or it is a sign that ‘you don’t love him enough’. This kind of thinking has nothing to do with love or compatibility but is just a way of controlling you.
He ‘punishes’ you for going against his wishes
A possessive man is usually quite vindictive. If you happen to go for a movie with a friend or choose your own dress, chances are that he will try to hit back at what he perceives as rebelling against his authority. This kind of punishing behavior may range from sulking for days to giving you the silent treatment and even withdrawing love. The whole idea is to make you feel guilty for daring to make your own choices.
A relationship with a possessive man stifles a woman’s innate right to live life on her own terms. Instead of being loved and cherished for who you are, you may find yourself being pressured to be the woman your boyfriend wants you to be. Such a man is not only difficult to be with, but has the potential to turn abusive and dangerous. Finally it is your call and you must decide whether any man is worth cutting away your wings for.