Women who come on too strong

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With guys having to try so hard sometimes to meet a woman, pick one up or get a date, you’d think a woman coming on to a guy would be a welcome thing. But while most men might not be averse to a woman coming on to them, what about when she comes on too strong? And what would constitute coming on too strong?

There are two factors at play here. One being the kind of man/person he is. And the other, being ‘How strong is too strong’?

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If the man in question were a passive kind of guy, one who feels inhibited about approaching woman and asking her out, he probably wouldn’t mind a woman taking the initiative. After all, she’s doing all the hard work and saving him a lot of effort that he ordinarily has to summon up to meet a woman, leave alone the potential heartache if he has to suffer rejection despite all his efforts. This kind of a guy will probably be profoundly grateful for a woman who comes on to him, even if she is too overwhelming while at it.

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On the other hand, there are some men who like to lead and dislike their male prerogative of ‘being in charge’ taken away from them. In such instances, they detest it if a woman robs them of their right to seek her out and encroaches on the exclusively male territory of actually coming on to them – and then topping it off with the colossal mistake of not even being subtle about it. To this kind of man, coming on to him is one thing, but at least don’t go over the top.

Which brings us to ‘How strong is too strong’?

First, there is a big difference between being a strong woman in terms of being independent and decisive, with sound values and ethics, and coming on too strong to someone in terms of being opinionated, judgmental and overwhelming – whether sexually or by overriding their views.

And therein lies the difference between being assertive and being arrogant. Whether in one’s career or one's personal life, it pays if a woman is assertive and confident, being firm in her convictions and unafraid to stand up for them. But it also involves an element of keeping an open mind and willing to consider someone else’s views. On the other hand, arrogance leaves no room for the above, it borders on the egotistical with an element of superiority, and overconfidence, which is annoying in the extreme when you have to deal with it.

Sometimes a woman who comes on to a man figures that it’s better to be upfront about how they feel, rather than playing mind games, which women are famous for. They figure that a man would appreciate a straightforward approach and knowing where he stands. And they are not wrong in thinking that.

But they begin treading on dangerous terrain when they get carried away and start behaving in a loud, vulgar, trashy or inappropriate manner. They assume that by making themselves available, men will be so grateful for the attention that they will happily accept what’s on offer. But unless a man is pretty desperate, this kind of behavior merely merits the wrong kind of attention. The woman in question is labeled as cheap and attention seeking and can even acquire the label of a ‘loose woman’ or one with ‘questionable morals’ (if any!).

Howard, a director in a reputed firm, had a run-in with just such a woman. He was nursing his drink at the bar when she sat next to him and proceeded to put the moves on him. But instead of turning him on, it was, in fact, a huge turn off. In his words, "She began to throw herself at me, drinking a little too much and talking so loudly, it embarrassed the heck out of me. Given a choice (which I wasn’t), I’d rather spend the evening alone, than with a woman like that for company."

So while men may welcome a woman hitting on them, the manner in which she does it is very important. A man does like to pursue a woman to a certain extent; it increases the anticipation and makes the rewards sweeter. If everything is handed to him on a platter, it robs him of the thrill of the chase. For men, if what they consider their domain is taken away from them, they tend to feel somewhat emasculated!

Sometimes women, who have been hurt in the past or had a bad experience with men, tend to play around with them just as a form of vengeance. This serves no purpose in the long run, but rather can only serve to leave the woman in question more embittered, and if the man decides to act nasty, this can even cause some serious emotional and physical damage.

There are also some women who are desperate to get into a serious relationship and settle down. They tend to put undue pressure on a guy, very early into the relationship to commit, and come down very heavily on him when he says he’s not ready to. At this point, when they convince themselves they’ve already vested a great deal into the relationship, even if, in actual fact the relationship is only months old, they start giving the guy a tough time, becoming needy, clingy and sending him on an emotional seesaw. This is another kind of torture. It makes the man want to run for cover.

How to deal with a woman who’s coming on too strong

Sexually

If you’re happy about it and enjoy a submissive role – great, enjoy it. If you don’t like her taking the lead, try and convey either through actions/body language or words (if she’s not the subtle type, chances are you’ll have to hit her on the head with a sledgehammer to get through to her) that you would like her to back off and take things a little slower. If you don’t learn to slam the brakes on firmly, or she doesn’t seem to get the message, this woman is not for you. Unless of course you’re just in it for the fun of it.

Too opinionated

If you encounter this kind of woman, either at a party or a conference or even at work, remember that she won’t abide by etiquette and loves the sound of her own voice. So don’t expect her to wait for you to say your piece. If you have something to say, you have to stop being a gentleman about it and just ride roughshod over her. Butt in, say what you have to and have the courage of your convictions. Once she finds she’s met her match and you’re a worthy adversary, she’ll think twice about locking horns with you. Stick to your guns and watch her run for cover – or at the very least you’ll be out of her firing range!

In a relationship

If you’re in the budding stages of a relationship and you find she’s smothering you with her demands, start laying down the law now. Once she realizes she’s got you where she wants you – on a leash – your only recourse for help will be the SPCA (Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals). You have got to make her see reason and be rational about things. If you’re absolutely firm and she realizes she can’t make you dance to her tune, she may mellow down and agree to compromise. But if she doesn’t and you can’t get through to her, if you don’t get out now (unless she has a multitude of other redeeming qualities, and even if she does), you’re doomed to the doghouse for life!