Some men have a natural, easy manner of scoring with women. Ever notice how some men just walk into a room and sweep women off their feet? For women though, it’s not always about looks. Honestly, how many times have you said, “What does she even see in him?”. Haven’t we all seen really stunning women fall for complete toads?
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So if you’re not devastatingly good looking, don’t fret. Fortunately for men, women are not visual creatures. Women are more pragmatic and level headed when it comes to choosing a man. So when you see a hottie with a non-descript man, don’t question logic. Understand that the guy is probably intelligent and funny, and she has a great time with him. The same logic applies to smaller situations like parties, offices and virtually any other group dynamics. If you’re fun to hang out with, you will score with women. Follow a few basic guidelines, and you’ll definitely see a difference in the way women react to you.
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1) Don’t be a shy boy. Most girls like assertive and confident men. Don’t be so shy that it becomes debilitating when you interact with women. My colleague Ryan always complained of being ignored by women at work, parties, gym, etc. Now, Ryan wasn’t bad looking, and he was reasonably intelligent. But he was painfully shy, and he hardly spoke to any women at work. Shy and introverted people do very well, one to one. So if you’re one of them, speak to the girl in your office when you see her alone at the coffee machine. Talk to the girl in your gym, when you know no one’s around. When you’re successful in these small interactions, you will find it in yourself to gradually be able to hold your own in bigger groups.
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2) Women feel comfortable with men who have no agenda. If she thinks you’re not pursuing her, she will be at ease with you. Striking a friendship with a woman can be a great way of making the foundation for your relationship. A large percentage of women claim to fall in love with men who they have been friends with. Be sure to strike the right balance between being a friend she can trust, and being her man Friday. Do not assign yourself the role of her personal chauffeur, dog walker and cabana boy. If you feel she’s using you, be a man and tell it like it is.
3) Be yourself. By this, I do not mean pick your nose in front of her, or chew with your mouth open. Be comfortable with yourself, and don’t try too hard to be something you’re not. Trying to be something else is always a pressure, and it shows. If you make up your mind to be yourself, you will be more at ease, and the confidence will show.
4) Do be funny. Women love a great sense of humour. Women are always looking for a man who can make them laugh. But don’t start memorizing knock-knock jokes just as yet. Try to see the humour in situations. Observe what tickles your special female friend. Whether it's self-deprecating humour or sarcasm, you’ve got their attention when they’re doubling up with laughter. Steer clear of racist and sexist jokes.
5) Please do not be the overbearing smooth talker, with lame-ass pick up lines. This is a stereotype that all women hate and avoid. Please leave the obvious lines to Daniel Craig. Women like men who are direct. A simple “You look great tonight” or “You smell really nice” will probably be remembered. If your opening line is, “This must be the beautiful people section”, you need a “conversation makeover”.
6) Do not over-compliment. Contrary to popular belief, women aren’t comfortable with too many compliments all the time. Say something nice about her hair or her smile. That should tell her that you’re attracted to her. My friend Ethan has a sly compliment-giving trick that you could try when you’re really confident. He waits for the third or fourth date for this. Typically, his date would have spent a lot of time getting dolled up. But he doesn’t say anything when he picks her up. She’s a tad disappointed. At dinner, he seems to notice everything, and smiles, but says nothing. She’s even more perplexed. He drops her home, and he kisses her goodnight, but not a word about how hot she looked today. By now, the woman is confounded. So he reaches home, calls her and whispers, “You look amazing in red”.
7) Be observant, and a good listener. Ask her questions about her career, life, childhood, etc. Do not probe about things that would make her uncomfortable or stuff she doesn’t want to discuss. For example, avoid asking her about ex-boyfriends, childhood trauma, etc. Be genuine, and listen to what she has to say. Don’t start mentally undressing her when she starts talking, because a woman will always know when you’re not listening.
8) I cannot begin to tell you how important grooming is. Wash, scrub, trim and shave. Slap on cologne and you’re set. Wear clothes that suit you. Develop your own style statement. A few wardrobe classics will always save the day, like blue jeans and white shirts, linen day suits, etc. Do not be too sloppily dressed or too formally dressed all the time. A well-dressed man dresses just right for the occasion.
9) Asking a woman out, is not an art like it’s made out to be. Make it casual and snappy. Something simple like “Let’s get a drink sometime” is neutral, and doesn’t require a commitment from her.
She will say yes. Now, swoop in and say “How about Thursday?”. Don’t look at her with tension mounting up on your forehead. Keeping it simple like this will never embarrass, you since you have not asked her out on some elaborate romantic outing. The first date should be a coffee or a drink. This gives you more time to talk. Graduate to dinners, lunches and movies with the second date.
10) All women complain of men staring at their breasts or butt. When you talk to a woman, look into her eyes and do not stare south of her neck. If you must check her out, please do it when she or her friends aren’t looking. Nothing is worse than a man making the woman aware of his lecherousness.
11) Women like being protected and cared for. When they’re out with a man, they like it when the man seems to have control over the situation. So if you get drunk at a random party, and make a scene, or get into a brawl, don’t be surprised if she doesn’t take your calls.
Once you open up with women and develop a natural confidence, you won’t think twice before talking to an attractive woman. Sweaty palms and butterflies in your tummy will be a thing of the past. If you’re the average Joe and you dream of chatting up women with confidence, try it by doing one thing at a time and you’ll see that you can be Prince Charming as well.